Researchers from the COITUS (Citadel of Intergalactic Technology and Universal Sciences) have found that alcohol, drugs, and porn are effective at treating disorexial personisorder syndrome, a mental disorder extremely common in young Faroglips and Faroglorps.

The disorder is characterized by disordered thoughts and feelings, social withdrawal, excessive anger, extreme guilt, fear, isolation, loneliness, and self-harm.

While most people with disorexial personisorder syndrome can control their excessive impulses with therapy, they are often left with severe emotional and behavioral problems afterwards, which leads to more therapy.

Luckily, COITUS has given doctors the green light to prescribe patients with alcohol, drugs, and porn.

Dr. Conner, head of the team that made the groundbreaking discovery, told reporters that he believed alcohol, drugs, and porn could be used to treat "pretty much every mental disorder imaginable, unimaginable, and imagined—It's quite revolutionary."

He also told the press that he hoped his findings would inspire more doctors to follow suit and prescribe their patients with alcohol, drugs, and porn.

While Faroglips and Faroglorps should be wary of drinking too much alcohol and doing too many drugs and watching too much porn, it's worth noting that homo sapiens should keep doing alcohol, drugs, and porn to avoid withdrawal symptoms.