Sentient, intelligent pandas, once thought to be extinct, have miraculously returned in great numbers and with immense rage.

Their goal? To take the Chinese government to Intergalactic Court for the negligence that made sentient, intelligent pandas an endangered species on Sol III, a tiny planet densely populated with homo sapiens with the apex predator being Sciuridae.


Intergalactic Court, despite its name, actually only manages injustices within the Milky Way Galaxy.

The Chinese government has threatened to stop offering pandas protection, which has alarmed animal conservation groups.

However, the pandas appear to be having a rough time regardless.

"What we are seeing now is a combination of the worst things we've done, coming back to bite us," said an anonymous Chinese zoologist.

Quite literally.

In a shocking video that surfaced earlier this week, a female panda named Long Dong was filmed biting a man's head off and leaving a message in blood which read, "熊貓解放軍" (Panda Liberation Army).

The man, a farmer in Hunan province, had burned down 3 acres of bamboo forest to make space for more crops.

"We do not condone Long Dong's behavior," said Fuk Yu, the panda who has been leading the largely peaceful movement.

According to China Daily, Long Dong was not a member of the PLA. She was, in fact, an ex-panda-ist who had gone rogue.

Authorities are still looking for Long Dong, but the search so far has yielded nothing.